I’ve known for a while that I wanted to write about my husband Josh’s deployment, but I’ve had a difficult time pinpointing what I want share. Now that it’s over, my thoughts about deployments have changed pretty significantly. I thought that my biggest problem would be constantly worrying about Josh’s safety. While I definitely did a LOT of worrying about that, I was surprised by the other issues that cropped up during his time overseas. I’d like to share a few pieces of advice that I would’ve given myself before our family endured its first deployment.

Try to find a way to do a countdown that isn’t date-specific.

If you are involved in the military in any capacity, you know that the only thing that stays the same is change.  I knew that I probably wouldn’t ever get a true “come home” date, and I didn’t want to add time onto a countdown when the date inevitably changed.  I finally settled on counting down the number of hair appointments I had left until Josh came home, and it worked extremely well. Not only did I have something to look forward to as the time wore down, but I didn’t have to worry about the specifics.

Saying yes to everything in an attempt to “stay busy” will cause burn out.

At some point (and definitely not soon enough) I realized that I was too busy.  I thought that having a lot of things to do would make the time go faster, but in reality it created a lot of stress for my family.  Not only were we running around like crazy people, but it was hard for us to be available to video chat. Once I started turning down invitations to do things we all became noticeably happier.  Although I’m glad I didn’t sit around our house every day, but I wish I would’ve sought a balance earlier on.

The pain of being separated creeps into odd places.

There is a profound loneliness that is unique to a long-distance marriage.  My heart would ache for the things that were mundane when Josh was home. I missed looking into the kitchen and seeing him cooking or washing dishes.  I missed doing his laundry. I missed putting his phone on the charger for him because he hadn’t noticed it was almost dying (again). I missed more things than I’m capable of writing about.  But most of all, I missed making memories together. I have 10 months’ worth of family pictures that lack my husband, and I still feel the separation when I look at them.

It’s really difficult when you can’t give people answers.

Another layer of loneliness was added because I couldn’t know or disclose information about Josh to anyone.  Every time a friend or family member would ask me where he was or what he was doing, I would give the same ambiguous answer: he’s flying somewhere in the Middle East.  The deployment was a constant juggling act of trying to keep people in the loop without compromising security, which is hard when people want to know what’s going on.

In spite of the pain, you will come out the other side as a stronger person.

I am so proud of my husband’s service.  I admire his dedication to our country and am honored to be an army wife.  I’m also proud of myself, because I genuinely thought I wouldn’t make it through a deployment.  But I did, and God used this time in my life to reveal things I never would’ve learned about myself without the experience.  I believe that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Romans 8:28), and the deployment was no exception.  I don’t know many people who prefer to learn through pain, but I’m blessed to serve a faithful God who walked with me through the journey.