Motherhood is a grand adventure, and my children are two of my greatest joys. But if I’m being completely honest, being a mother has also brought me to some of the lowest points of my life emotionally. I had never experienced the level of anxiety that crept into my mind when my son came into the world, and it doubled when my daughter was born. Despite the emotional challenges, I would choose motherhood at every given opportunity; and I’ve also discovered that there are certain ways I can make the roller coaster a little less volatile. I’ve found that doing these things help me to be less anxious and more joyful around my children. This post is my opportunity to share them with you! If 10 things seems overwhelming, choose one to implement at a time. Nothing on this list is earth-shattering, but my heart’s desire is that a mother reading this would find her world just a little bit brighter by implementing one of these things.
1. Find time to be alone
I know, I know–easier said than done. But carving out some time for yourself will help you to remember that you are not just a mother, your are your own person. You were created uniquely by God to accomplish great things, and one of those things is raising your children. Taking time away will allow you to refocus on your God-given purpose.
2. Accept help.
I have a terrible habit of thinking that I have to do everything on my own to be a “good mom”. It’s a trap that I set for myself because there is no possible way I can do everything on my own–and that’s not what makes me a “good mom”. What even is a “good mom” anyway? That’s a discussion for another day, so let me get back to my point. When people offer to help you, they are trying to make your life a little easier. So let a friend bring you coffee, your husband do the dishes, or your mom watch the kids so you can accomplish something else on this list.
3. Take a shower.
When it comes to taking care of my physical needs, I often have a hard time convincing myself that the effort is worth the reward. But the truth is this simple act can be extremely beneficial, especially for new mothers. Just take my word for it.
4. Go for the easy wins
Maybe your easy win is taking a shower or bath, in which case see #3. Other easy wins for me personally include finishing the cleaning project that I was almost done with, or spending 15 minutes giving my kids uninterrupted attention. Find something that you can get done quickly and (relatively) easily so that you get to enjoy a sense of accomplishment–even if it’s small.
5. Spend time with other mothers.
I always feel a little less crazy after being around my mom friends. It gives us the chance to bounce ideas off each other and realize that we’re all doing the best we can. Spending time with other mothers will show you that you’re not alone in your motherhood journey. It will also give you the opportunity to have an adult conversation.
6. Get out of your house.
I’ve noticed that some of my worst days emotionally are the days where I’m isolated inside of my house. Even if I just load my kids in the car and head for the Starbucks drive thru, the change of scenery reminds me that there’s a whole world outside of my mind. Getting out of the house will force your find to focus on the world around you, rather than just your own thoughts.
7. Say no.
Saying no is simple, but saying no is not easy. Your mother’s intuition will tell you when you have too much on your plate, and you must listen to it. There are many cliche sayings in regards to saying no, but one of my favorites is “you cannot pour from an empty vessel”. Saying no gives you the power to allocate your time and energy to your family.
8. Seek wise counsel.
We all can benefit from the wisdom of others. If you need advice, ask for it from someone who has your best interests at heart. A word of caution here: if your values don’t align with the person you’re seeking advice from, it may not be advice that you want to follow. We weren’t designed to exist in a vacuum, and Proverbs 19:20 tells us to “listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” Find someone in your life who will lovingly speak truthful advice to you.
9. Give yourself grace.
It can be irresistible to focus on the negative instead of the positive. As I’ve pointed out before, we are bombarded with notions of what a “good mom” should and shouldn’t be doing. It is impossible to live up to these arbitrary standards, and the truth is that God has equipped you with everything you need to be a mother. Extend the same grace to yourself that He gives to you.
10. Remember your value.
Our Father designed one person to be the mother of your children, and she is the woman you see in the mirror every day. Seek to find rest in your value: you were fearfully and wonderfully made to raise your children. No one on Earth can love them the way you can, and you are an irreplaceable part of their lives. Never forget how valuable you are to your children.